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I got it.

Sounds very anti-climatic, I know, especially after all the anticipation, worrying and bouncing about with plain insanity. I guess I should feel very lucky and happy right now. I've been blessed, after all, and it is what I was asking for.

But somehow after having people question my choice of junior college, the exhilaration of recieving the acceptance letter from SAJC kinda died down. I know there are people that are happy for me and I genuinely thank them for their love and support. It's what has brought me through these months of sheer exhaustion and sleepiness and I am glad for such friends and loved ones.

To those I have disappointed in any way, I apologize, but it is what I want to do and no matter what path I choose to walk down, I know my Lord will take me through.

It feels weird, in a way. I've never been much of a student. My marks have always been below average and I've pretty much never excelled at anything aside from English and Lit. It probably goes to prove that "intelligence without hard work is useless" is pretty true. 14 points for mid-years. Who would have guessed?

But it's not the time to get complacent.

I cannot seem to be able to stop procrastinating. It's why I'm always late, why I'm always never on task and why I have never been able to keep up with my schoolwork. Even at this point, I am procrastinating with my A math textbook and exercise book open but with my laptop on and my fingers busy. People tell me that I will sober up nearing the O levels. But I highly doubt it. I mean, prelims in 7 weeks and I'm still being lazy.

Who knows?

Accepting SAJC's DSA offer would mean that I wouldn't have to worry about Prelims and more about my O levels.

True, but what the hell? I still have to ace both exams, even if it's for self-satisfication and assurance.

I have my doubts about myself and have my troubles letting God take reign. I should be panicking right now and I am, to a certain extent. But apparantly it's not enough because I am still choosing Homer over Shakespeare. Would not be much trouble considering that it's a pretty awesome lit text, but it's Twelfth Night I'm studying -_-

I'm lost in A math, in Bio and I really need to work on my combined humanities. At this rate, I doubt I'd survive half a year in junior college, much less two. But that's just me being my lousy ole pessimistic self.

My bowling ball is collecting dust in my bag. Yuin says I'm addicted. Me? ... no comment.

Going down to watch the 'C' Div bowlers on Friday after debate finals. Man, I'm one helluva busy woman. Which reminds me, I'm screwed because the survey for debate is only half done.

Ah, ****. I should hit the books now and be a little productive instead of sitting here and letting my fingers do the rambling. It really is quite pointless.

... Raffles hasn't replied yet.

-jun yi